Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
