just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
