we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
