I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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