So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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