my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
