Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
