Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
