I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
