The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
