I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
