Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
