My brain says no but my pants say off.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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