Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
