Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
