and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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