Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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