I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
