brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
is that a dick in a sweater?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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