is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
