I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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