I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
