i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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