I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I would ride that face into the sunset
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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