I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
