Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
