we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
