It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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