so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
