Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
