yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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