I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
