booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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