I feel like abortions should bother me more
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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