i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
