so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize