It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
