I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
