I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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