she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I am one with the molecules
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
