I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
