thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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