I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
