After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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