I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
