Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
that's an acceptable place to lick
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
