with your own penis?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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