DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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