A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
