So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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