I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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