I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
