its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
