omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
