and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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