Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
last night I used snow as a chaser
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize