Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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