who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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