My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
