i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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