Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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