I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
