you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is my gift to your gina
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize