i wish my penis had a tongue
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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