Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
