Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize