no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
