Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
